Well, I guess this whole writing something every day did not work out! I'm not surprise as I've embraced my procrastinating self a long time ago.
Still, that doesn't mean I'll stop my little blog. The past few weeks have been an emotional roller coaster though, I'm freaking out about my Vancouver move. It's really funny to think how when I left Panama it really wasn't that hard, I applied, got in, got the tickets and left, with no idea where I was going or how it would all turn out. But I guess the reason it was so easy then, was because I was leaving a life that wasn't really mine but what muy parents had created. I needed to leave, to experience life away from everything I had always known, to get away from a life I was never meant to fit in. I left to to find myself.
Now, thinking about my life at this point, well, it's my life. I have grown to be the person I always wanted... I've become familiar with all the bad in me and all the good and embraced that without either one of them I wouldn't be me. I'm still a little insecure but I don't let that fear take over and make me act a certain way or try and be someone else. No point to that! I love me! But I guess the whole move thing is difficult because well, I'm leaving the life that I have built for myself, my adoptive family from here (my sweet little friends!), the places I know, the lifestyle I've gotten so acostumed with I guess. It's really hard now, but I'm still going to do it! I know I can. I am also freaking out about my birthday. OMG! I'm going to be 25 in a month!! 25!!!! A quarter of a century old!! I never understood people that freaked out on their birthday, but I just don't feel 25, I feel like I'm still in college. This is freaky, how that feeling just creeps up on you and you feel like literally the clock inside you ticking! What's right at this point? Am I supposed to get a husband and the whole shabam?! I already have a hard time trying to get a date! Marriage? Now that is just crazy talk, I still feel like a baby, but then I think all the peeps I went to school with and 70% are married or in committed relationships and with children!! I mean, I do fantasize about someday having a kid, for sure but the idea of having one withing any time soon, NO WAY! How the hell did my mom do it at 20!!? And Ana, her baby must be coming fairly soon, oh goodness do I ever miss her so much, my Bananin! --> She's my whole life bestie, even if we barely talk and see each other only when I go home, but that's the meaning of a true friendship I guess, forget the distance and forget the time, we will always be those outcast teenagers with super strict parents who used to ask Rojas(our buss driver from high-school) to stop at the Ice cream shop every Friday and then race each other to see who ate it faster (Bananin always won) and then go get caramel covered eclairs from the pastry! shop! Damnz! It feels like lifetimes away! I know she's happy for me, and I am oh so happy for my friend, she's a doctor, with a sexy Man Dr. as her baby's Daddy... adorbs! I did laugh at her a little, I mean, both doctors and still they get pregnant, I guess hornyness always wins!
Back to the point, I was freaking out a lot. But atleast with the help of Tia Gisela and lovely positive attitude of my sweet little Age( Adreanne) I feel a lot better today. I know that God will take me on the right of wherever it is I need to get to, and whatever is meant to happen will. I have faith and hope and I know as long as I know what I want it will all work out. And at this point of my life, I need a change! A change of scenery, of people, job... I got here to find me, to get to know me, to learn to love myself, to be happy with me and who I am, now, I have to go somewhere else to find where I belong, to develop myself even more... and hopefully to find me a decent man! LOL
Well, TaTa for now...
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